Today I was really hungry which is always the case when I am left at home all day. However unlike those other times today I was really good. I ate a lot of fruit, mostly watermelon, had some turkey lunch meat, and finished my day with a lean cuisine TV dinner. Yep I was really good. There was however a moment of weakness that interrupted my day, only for a split moment but a moment none the less.
I was sitting at my computer and craving something sweet and sugary. I was typing when I heard it. It was a whisper in my ear. It called out to me "Eric." It was almost so silent that I didn't notice it at first but then it called to me again "Eric." This time it was a little louder and made me turn my head toward the kitchen. As I did so, the wind outside picked up and howled through my open window. Again I heard the voice calling to me, louder this time, "Eric!"
I kicked back away from my desk and sent my chair flying across the living room. Moving with the speed of a tiger on the prowl, I flipped toward the hallway and crouched in the doorway which led into the kitchen. The voice was extremely loud now. "ERIC" it screamed at me. I could tell now it was coming from my cabinet above my refrigerator. These cabinets I very rarely go in. With quick head movements looking side to side, I slowly, while crouched, moved into the kitchen. As I came to the refrigerator, I stood. Eyeing the cabinet door I slowly opened it.
Without warning, from behind the glass flower vase, dog food and the Disney cup that I never use, sprang a hidden twinkie. It jumped at me with its yellow cakey goodness and creamy filling. As it lept for me, I brushed it aside with my left hand. It slammed into the fridge only to get up and come at me with more force. I took a swing but missed and it slapped me across the face. I stumbled backward but catching my balance I waited for its next move.
The hidden twinkie came at me again and preformed a wardrobe change in mid air with its wrapper disappearing as it closed in on me. Now before me this beautiful cream filled cake was spiraling at my face. I dodged it but it came again. Again it sent me tumbling to the left. I was able to evade the golden pastry. As I came to my feet, the twinkie was no where to be found. I looked everywhere. Just as I thought that it was over and I was safe, the twinkie ran up my back, dove off my head and did a somersault swan dive toward my mouth.
Just was it was about to enter my mouth, I grabbed it with my left hand. We struggled, back and forth we went with the twinkie trying to end up in my mouth and I wrestling it away. As the twinkie made one last effort toward my mouth by mustering so much strength that it pulled my hand up toward my face, I grabbed it with my other hand as well. Using both hands, I tore the twinkie in two and threw it into the garbage can.
I wiped my hands and looked down at my worthy adversary lying in pieces in the trashcan. "You put up quite the fight hidden twinkie, but you can not beat crouching Eric," I said with my words slightly off time with my mouth movements. After a couple of more hours of computer work and laundry, I went to take the trash out. Looking into the bag before I closed it, the twinkie was gone! Had it lived to fight another day, would it come back to try again? We shall see.
Ok maybe that's not how it happened. Or was it?
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